Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down, farting out the words. It was unlike anything I had ever heard. This asshole-talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right ‘down there’ like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn...